My Birthday Smile

Today is my birthday. I didn’t feel the need to alert attention to myself; because in my mind it isn’t that big of a deal; after all, I have had 48 birthdays! I know. I know, I don’t look a day over 32 my Admrial said (hehehe). I thought why not 29? But I will take 32!

When I arrived to work I was greeted with a happy birthday in the hall by a co-worker (that was nice); and another co-worker scanned her card and opened the door to my office for me (that was nice and appreciated). Then another co-worker arrived who had seen my mom’s birthday wishes for me on Facebook, so she too, wished me a happy birthday (made me smile).

Then another co-worker asked me, “So when were you going to tell us it was your birthday?” I replied, “I wasn’t , it’s not that big of a deal.” My friend and co-worker is a forever optimist and I love that about her, but the truth is I am getting older and birthdays just aren’t that exciting to me and maybe they should be; I don’t want you to think I am ungrateful, because I am very aware that growing old is a privilege that some are not afforded.  But, I am not one to shout it out by doing a countdown on social media, “My birthday in 5 more days!!” or run in to a room and announce, “It’s MY birthday!” and break out into a dance followed by what did you get me?”

I’d like to say it is because I am humble and don’t want all the attention on me; but I know that isn’t entirely true. The truth is being in the limelight in my younger years through gymnastics, cheerleading and softball was where I wanted to be; but now I am more of an introvert, most comfortable in soft light of my home with family. While gifts are nice, they often cost too much and don’t last. I prefer the gift of time and making memories.

Yesterday was National Thrift Store Day. Crazy, I know, that there is a day set aside to peruse through items and clothes that other people did not want or outgrew. Darya unwillingly humored me and came along for the fun with my friend Rebekah and her mom. Thrift Stores make me laugh and laughter is good medicine. T-shirts and books are the funniest things to look through and if you know us well, we will find the perfect t-shirt or book title for you! We probably won’t buy it but we will think of you. The t-shirt Darya found for Jayden is “The only difference between you and me is that I’m a genius who will someday rule the world, and you’re just an idiot.” But again, we didn’t buy it, but it made us laugh, because he is the Professor of the family.

Bahahaha...shopping for the nursery.

My forever optimist (and younger) co-worker with less injuries reminded me that I am only as old as I think; but I replied, “No, I am as old as I feel.” She said it is all in my mind, but my body doesn’t agree it is in your back. It’s in your knees, etc…” It is in the creaks and popping of my spine and knees. As I visited my grandpa this past week who is 87 (and true I am not that old, yet), he said, “My mind still feels young, but my body says otherwise.” Well grandpa, at 48, I agree and I am certain if the Lord allows me 40 more years here in this body that is fading, I will agree with a resounding AMEN.

Finally, a phone call that made me laugh and reminisce, my brother called to tell me Happy Birthday. He said, “I wanted to call and tell you in person, because I did not want to do it on Facebook because FACEBOOK means NOTHING! It means nothing!” To which I replied, “Thanks Dad!” because that is so daddish, we both laughed, but as he said good-bye and love you, I could hear my dad’s voice in his and for me, that warms my heart and drops dew on my cheeks. To hear dad say one more time, Happy Birthday Doney-Boats, I love you!

Whatever Wednesday Writings - Family Prank

Pranks are a must to a healthy family. After all laughter is good medicine…especially when that laughter comes at the cost of paying someone back who is usually the one that dishes out the pranks and if you know our family, you know WHO that someone is.

As most of you know we had to put down our 14 year old Chihuahua, Señor Harjo this past month and every day since then the kids have been beggin’, it was a bit depressing because he has not been gone that long. Then it came to pass…I joined in on the beggin’…after all the pitter patter of his paws on the hardwood floors, his fancy dancing in circles when I come home…are no more. It’s quiet here….besides the continual pleading.

The repetitive pleading was beginning to wear on Darryl, so Darryl proclaimed that the ONLY way we were getting another dog was if M.O.M. retired so she can take care of it…thus prank on dad was initiated.

It’s always good to have friends in high places that can make things happen quickly, thus this very official letter of my voluntary retirement of 21 years was born…effective June 1, 2014.

We all sat down at the dinner table and I started the conversation with, “So does anyone else miss Señor?” The kids were like, “Yes!” I said, “Me too.” Darryl said, “Surprisingly yes, I do. I dropped some food on the floor and I was like Señor will clean it up and I catch myself looking out in the back for him.”

I said, “I thought about what you said if we wanted a dog then I would need to retire so I could be home during the day to take care of it, so this is what I did (I handed him the letter).

Darryl begin to read the letter, his chewing slowed down, he begin to get that look in his eyes, the look that moms usually give their kids, then he retorted, “Well I guess our goal of paying off our home in 5 years isn’t going to happen. We are going to have to go back to a 15 year note. We may even have to sell our house.”

To which I said, “Well that is a good thing, we have wanted to downsize. Now we can move to Westmoore and Darya can finish out school there, it really is a win-win situation for all of us.” Darya, was like “Yes!” All of three of us continued with all the benefits of downsizing, living a minimal lifestyle, having a pet and living happily ever after. At this point I thought of this scrapbook page I did of us.

We carried it past dinner and you could see the disappointment growing. I asked Darryl, “Do you still love me?”

No answer, just that look.

So I asked again, “Do you still love me?”

To which he somberly said, “It’s just that I thought something of such great importance you would have talked to me about it.”

I said, “I thought it had already been discussed when you declared the only way we were getting a dog is if I retired to take care of it, so that is what I did. I didn’t realize we needed any further discussions.”

It was time to inform him that he had been pranked by his daughter, son and myself and that the letter was fake. Darya video recorded his response and here it is.

Yes, he still loves me and yes we are getting a new dog!! Now we are working on getting two dogs, you know so they can keep each other company; after all it is scriptural (sort of)…

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NKJV)

The Value of a Friend

Two are better than one,

Because they have a good reward for their labor.

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

For he has no one to help him up.

Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;

But how can one be warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.

And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Whatever Wednesday Writings - D Day Month 2014

D Day Month 2014

But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the LORD; and be sure your sin will find you out. Numbers 32:23

Today as a mother of a teenage girl who is obsessed with driving I am thankful for space and grace! Most bloggers, and I am guilty too, choose to only share the icing of their lives to protect a persona of who they want others to believe them to be. The highlight reel of their lives so to say, but the truth is those highlights only promotes us (yuck!) and doesn’t give a complete picture of life. It can also make others feel inadequate and the truth is all of us and our families have hard times, difficult issues, life lessons and/or humble pie, but we hide them, we don’t put them on Facebook or blog about our kids getting into fights at school or about losing jobs. More importantly omitting these bumps and valleys of our lives doesn’t give God glory for the good He does through these refining times.

I love what Oswald Chambers says about these valleys in My Utmost for His Highest, “We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength.”

And I love how my commuter buddy Matt Chandler says it, “When you get that God did it all, he justified you, when you get that - it becomes almost impossible to judge anyone. By judging them you negate the very grace that was given to you, if it wasn’t for that grace that is you.” 

So judge not, I know as we follow all the rules and do everything right we become unsympathetic to those that are failing and the truth is none of it is our ability to do good, we have been saved by grace through faith it was none of our doing – so no boasting in us, only God.

With all these thoughts, I wrestled with sharing this, but with my daughter’s permission and for God’s glory I share D-Month Harjo Home 2014.

Ask any of our children and they know our parenting mantra and prayer is Numbers 32:23 “Your sin will find you out”. Ask our adult children and they will testify to this mantra. We pray this now because we want to know now, so those sins can be lovingly corrected now under parenting – not later as adults.

My flesh and blood, my first born with driving permit only; which if you don’t know what that means in the 21^st century and the graduated licensing system, it means she is only permitted to drive while another licensed driver over the age of 21 is in the front seat of the vehicle with her.

Well one evening while I was at women’s retreat an hour away and my dear husband and son were at baseball games…she decides to take herself and a friend for a spin in my car. Oh. Yes. She. Did. 

Again, I am thankful for grace and space otherwise, I may be blogging from prison, which I am not sure how that would work.

At the retreat phone services are spotty because of its “retreat” location, well after the Friday night session; I ended up on the cabin porch sharing life with a sister-in-Christ. She was sharing about her children, family and some of the pitfalls they encountered during their children’s teenage years. Only God knew what was going to happen that night and He placed me at that retreat an hour away and Pat in my life at that moment to spare my child and to spare me from prison.

After our real life talk, I notice I had received a few texts from my husband. The first one said, “Our daughter took your car out while I was gone.” The next text said, “And………”

I am screaming (in my head) at my phone “AND?.....AND….WHAT?” As a mother my thoughts went to the extreme..…and..…she wrecked the car…..and…...she is dead…...and…..she killed someone….and she got picked up by the cops….and she ran over a neighbor’s pet……and….and….and…..I know overkill, but that is this momma’s mind.

On top of a hill, holding one leg up I found a place with reception and called Darryl (I thought), but Darya answered; that is what we get for naming her so close to her dad’s name. So I had to go with it, I asked, “So tell me what happened tonight.” She said, “I kind of drove your car.”

I said, “Explain to me “kind of” driving my car? You backed it half way out and then back in?”

She replied, “No, I took it out and drove it in the neighborhood.” I asked, “Why did you do that?” 

She replied with the most common teenage response, “I don’t know.”

I won’t bore you with the entire conversation; but two weeks of grounding from driving and her phone ensued, plus countless conversations about why and how it was wrong, despite being a good driver (her reasoning)…and she is a good driver, but it was still wrong on so many levels.

I even shared with her, what I thought was a jewel of wisdom when she is conflicted about what the right thing to do is and that is “When in doubt, don’t.” Just don’t, I thought it is short and simple and will pop into her head when she is conflicted to make a choice.

Fast forward two weeks, phone back in hand, permit in back pocket, little bro and mom are at the movies and dad is working and mom’s car is sitting in the garage with a full tank of gas calling her name.

Now one would think I drove some exotic sports car, but no, I drive an injury causing VW bug. Again, she decides two weeks of grounding wasn’t long enough. Oh. Yes. She. Did. It. Again.

However, this time it was not the CSI Parenting that led to the discovery, but dad arriving home to all vehicles gone.

So again, why? Again. “I don’t know.” To which I said, “So my four little words did not help at all?” Obviously not, because her reply was, “What words? “ I chanted them again in my duh tone, “When in doubt…don’t?” The memory resurfaced, “Oh yeah, I thought about that but I think I am obsessed with driving.” Really? Obsessed?  That was a good one and I don’t think you can take a pill for that.

So I asked how did it make you feel when you drove up and saw Dad was home? She said “I felt disgusted and mad at myself. I don’t know why I did it, I knew it was wrong. I know this sounds crazy, but I wanted you to take my phone away because I think I am a better person without it.” Really? A better person? Dad and I agree and did you know you could have just said you need help monitoring your time on your phone? Of course, she didn’t think of that.

Next, I asked, “Did you forget whose dad and my daddy is? Let me remind you G. O. D. and He is EVER present and all-knowing and I will NOT let your disobedience win, I love you too much.”

Thus D-Day Month operation begins. I love my kids too much to let the enemy have them. I like what a godly woman and friend told me once, “I will go through hell with a water pistol if I have to!” Friends, we have an enemy and he wants our children; but I won’t let him have mine! I am relying on the true, faithful Word of God, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household." Acts 16:31

Finally, out comes our parenting mantra again, “You know we’ve told you ‘your sin will find you out’”. To which, she said, “I know, but I thought it was just a saying, now I know it is true.” To which I declared, “Honey, it is not just a saying it is God’s word and His word is always true and does not come back void.”

Through it all I have been thanking God for these difficult times of our daughter’s disobedience. I actually rejoice in them. One, nobody was hurt. Two, my teenage daughter learned a valuable lesson about God’s Word and His character and this will hopefully keep her from further harm. Three, I am thankful that both times there was space between her and I so God could get me in the place of grace.

I told my husband, “What I wanted to do was cut up her permit and throw her phone in the trash” to which he said, he had the same thoughts! Gotta love one flesh. J But God extends His grace to me time and time again, every time I fail, actually every day.

While Oswald Chambers says we have to prove our stamina and strength during the valleys and ordinary life, I would say it isn’t my stamina and strength but God’s strength made perfect in my weaknesses.

“For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.” 2 Corin. 4:15

Whatever Wednesday Writings - I Love My Loser

This is an UPDATE from last week's post.

Time Magazine was laying out at our office and it caught my eye…the top 100 most influential people…singers, entrepreneurs, engineers, professional athletes, fashion designers....who design jeans that people will pay $2,000 for? Seriously? Okay, I am finished looking at the list. Obviously, the things that land you on that list and what God sees as influential are not the same thing. News flash, I know.

It is true God’s ways are not our ways and when we begin to truly follow His word it will always make people take note. They will either call you foolish or they will praise God to see Christlikeness exhibited.

God’s word says to gain your life, you must first lose it. To be great, you must first be a servant. To live, you must die. When we lose, it is actually a gain and that is what happened.

This past Wednesday, Mike and Darryl spend the day with their baseball team playing in the Class 5A Regionals, they got smashed both games, thus ending their 2013-14 season. After the first game was over the announcer came up to Mike and Darryl and said he has been announcing these regional games for fifteen years and had never witnessed what he witnessed that day.

Which was a team that played with all their heart despite the beat down they were taking.

They lost 15 to 0. 

The announcer, which is also the golf pro at Heritage Hills Golf Course, asked the fans to give the coaches and team “a round of applause because of the hustle, the never give up, and the class, which they showed in defeat.” Next, he came over to them and asked if he could purchase the entire team’s lunch for the day!

If you know anything about inner city schools, they don’t get a large budget, actually they don’t get a budget, so that was a huge blessing to Mike, Darryl and the boys…this was nothing but God’s favor on them! The neat thing was when the concession stand heard what was going on they did not allow the announcer to pay for their meals because they wanted to be a part of the blessing to our guys.

God’s favor did not stop there though; next, a lady came up and put 200 dollars in their hands so they all could eat on the way home that night.

Then one of the boys on the other team said the name of Jesus Christ in a non-glorifying way, he said it as a curse word. After the game Mike addressed the young man about it and explained why it was offensive to Mike because of what that name meant to him. Then later in the week Mike received an email from this boy’s dad who wanted to know if he could donate money to help the team out! Crazy. I know. That is just the God we serve, showing His faithfulness to His sons.

Finally, all these people sent emails to the Capitol Hill High School principal and the email from the local golf pro/announcer said that Mike and “his assistant” :) left a positive reflection on Claremore and the fans at the game. He went on to say in the email, “Mike Hinckley has become my favorite of all time. He gives love, praise, and himself to kids who are having fun, doing their best, making some good plays, cheerleading, but most importantly, teaching young men to respect themselves and the game that he must truly love.”

TV News 9 did a story on them last year and this year The Daily Oklahoman did a story.

I can tell you that it isn’t the game that Mike and Darryl truly love, but it is the Lord Jesus Christ who they truly love…and because of that love they can love on those boys and teach them character even through losing.

Their 1st season (2012-2013)

The cross is for losers. It’s true. Christ did not come to save the righteous but sinners. We are all losers, rather we recognize it or not, Jesus came to destroy self-righteousness. Nevertheless, because of the cross we are truly winners, because it is not our righteous, goodness, talents or abilities but Jesus Christ IN US that is the hope of glory.

"Thus says the Lord:

“Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,
That I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.
For in these I delight,” says the Lord."

Jeremiah 9:23-24

 "In God we boast all day long, and Praise Your Name forever." Psalm 44:8