This post is part two; if you want to read part one, go here.
My Word of the Year that I receive hasn’t fallen on the typical
beginning of the year calendar date, as most peoples do. As I mentioned before
my first word I received in March 2012. This is probably because God does not
work on our timetable or the calendar’s time table, a truth I am still trying
to learn. My second word of the year came last year (February 2013) and while “I
think I know” why it was given to me; my experience is that He probably has
something totally new or different for me that I do not yet know
Stretch is my new word; but I’ve come to love the word “Steadfast”
because all that is attached to that word that the Lord brought me through and
mostly because it represents His love for me! Little ole Indian girl from Del
City who flipped everywhere she went, so I am not getting rid of it; for it is
forever implanted in my heart and life. Stretch. That is an odd word; my first
thoughts were okay Lord as long as it doesn’t represent more stretch marks! No.
Really. Honest, first thought! Vain, I know, but trust me I have my share and I
wouldn’t change them for anything because they represent life, the life of my
children and…news bulletin…I am old and don’t need any more children; at least
of my own. Second thought was Stretch Armstrong. I know…so, so spiritual!
After much angst, fear and prayer, I was not PCS (permanent
change of station) to Rockville, Maryland last year; but in April, actually
April 1st, no foolin’, without warning I received a direct
reassignment to a new position. Hallelujahs were said because I wasn’t moving
up East, but my old familiar friend “fear” crept back in as I learned that I
would be working in an intimidating position…one with numbers. Okay I lied.
Numbers and I are not friends. I prefer words and the two shall never meet.
When I am asked to find “X”, I excitedly point at the letter “X” and proudly exclaim
“Found it!” as it was a game of hide and seek, none of my teachers thought I
was funny. In fact, this past year Darya came home with a word math problem
about how long it would take to get to a certain point, driving 65 mph as
opposed to 40 mph, I helped her solve it using words, “drive speed limit and
you’ll arrive when you get there”, problem solved! I don’t think her teacher
thought it was funny. The reason they call it math is because MATH is really an
acronym for “Mental Abuse To Humans”. So what did I do? I would love to say
that I took the bull by the horns and tackled my new job with precision,
accuracy and a good attitude; but I didn’t.
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| In honor of the funny running picture...my version. |
I went back to my Master’s program where I had to take and
pass a Statistics class to graduate and relived the torment of banging my head
against the table crying to my three tutors (serious) about being right brained
and if I could just be creative and love everyone into having a passion for
health, I did not need statistics! Needless to say, my three tutors helped me
pass the class with an A (miracle) and I swore never to mess with numbers
again.
As I sat in my office mulling over what I had just been
told, I didn’t know what was going to happen, I wondered if I would even make
it to that magical 20 year retirement mark, then I decided I wouldn’t even
think about it, but then I could hear a mocking voice of myself saying trying
to encourage my friends who were going through tough times “Just trust God, He
has this all under control. He is sovereign.” I knew this truth on some level,
but for some reason (spiritual amnesia) I didn’t think it was true in my life.
I had to keep saying over and over, “I choose to trust You.” That was my only
option, so from that day forward like Daniel “I purposed in my heart” to get up
each morning and to say out loud, “I choose to trust You.” I tried my best not
to visit my inadequacies and fears about this uncertain phase of my career and
life, but to focus on Who is completely adequate, able, and in control, God.
Stretch came to me from a friend when I was complaining
about having to work with numbers. She was nice and didn’t say “Quit whining
crybaby”, but she reminded me that His grace is sufficient for me and that His
strength is made perfect in my weakness…thus, stretch. I didn’t want to
stretch! I was comfortable doing the type of work I was doing I just did not
like other aspects of working for the national program I worked for. I like
being comfortable, who doesn’t? I even told the Admiral and my new boss, you’ve
got the wrong chick for this job! You see my training and education is
community based; numbers and being analytical don’t mix nicely with my creative
self. I was reminded of Moses telling God you got the wrong dude! But despite
Moses’s inadequacies and fears God used Him anyway. I was entering a phase in
my career that would stretch me more than any statistics class in college
would, I was leaving my comfort of 18 plus years and all I knew; and was landing
in the Land of Lack. Lack of ability, lack of confidence, lack of skill,
lack…lack…lack…, but all this lack provided something I needed much more and
that was to put my reliance back to God and not self. Sure I was functioning
well in the career the Lord gave me, but I was leaving God out. Not good! After
all, it is He who gives all, He is the one who maintains life, He is the One
and Only! And I was forgetting to invite Him in to my day. I am so glad He
didn’t make a big fish swallow me up and spit me out to get the message.
The
good news was I didn’t choose this new job for me, He did, so He was going to
have to wake up that side of my brain that has been in sleep mode for ummm…45
years and help me do the work. He did and is. It isn’t Dione; it is the Lord,
for whom all things, ALL things are possible. Although, I had to switch jobs
towards the end of my career, move from an office to a cubicle and watch my
grade level get lowered, (my pay didn’t change), I received my two years civil
service credit and now have 21 years, 3 months, and 5 days (3-5-14) and most
importantly I am learning to become more dependent on God, and not myself, oh
and I got my office back and working on get that billet back up where it needs
to be. Yes, me, of little faith. It is like my Big God, who graciously takes me
through a difficult passage to show me He is brilliant, glorious, all powerful,
able, in control, that He loves me with a steadfast love and while things will
change around me, He remains the same…yesterday, today, and forever…I just have
to stretch and remember when I am weak, He is strong.
As for my 2014 Word of the Year…that will have to be another
post, but He is still working!
The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his
people with peace.
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities,
that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs,
in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corin. 12:9-10
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