Divine Intervention for the Hulk

A believer's spiritual maturity can be measured by what it takes to steal his joy.

~Dr. John MacArthur

Yes, Dr. MacArthur, I failed (again). When will I learn how to not give into the flesh? When will I learn to not allow things and people to steal my joy? I am obviously still spiritually immature. I can totally relate to Paul, when he talks about how he does what he doesn’t want to do, but yet he does it.

So here’s the story: I am out of the pain pills from my knee replacement surgery. The doctor gives me another prescription and when we went to get it filled, we were informed that specific medication had been pulled off the shelves by the FDA. The other pain pill options have made me sick in the past, so they sent in a new prescription to our local CVS. When we went to pick it up they said it was never send in, so I called the doctor’s office back and they said they would call again and fax it. So we went back to CVS and they still said they had not received it. While Darryl was standing there waiting I was calling the doctor again after 5 pm, knowing full well they weren’t going to be there. I was hoping for after hours contact number because I was down to my last pill and facing the Thanksgiving weekend. During this time the CVS Pharmacy folks finally found it! I was so upset that we had made two trips there, the doctor’s office had made multiple calls, and they overlooked the script several times. I’d like to report that I was calm, that I rejoiced or I prayed for divine intervention, but nope I had a full blown melt down like those drug addicts on Intervention. I told Darryl to tell them they are idiots! I said it again, IDIOTS!! Now if you know my husband, you would know that he did not do as I asked.

Just call me the Hulk! I turned green and puffed up it was really ugly, but I was so angry that they had overlooked my prescription not just once, but several times. I was a little overwhelmed at the thought of facing the weekend without something to help with the pain that starts to show its ugly head about every 5 hours. On top of that I was trying to cook some items for our Thanksgiving meal. As I sat at the dinner table contemplating my fate Darya walks in and asks me what was wrong because my face looked white. Well at least it wasn’t green!

Mistakes happen. Mishaps comes. Anger comes. What will we do with it? I obviously don’t have the answer; certainly I have not achieved turning the other cheek, trusting Him completing to take care of my needs, casting my anxiety on Him, rejoicing in all things

Here is the Truth to which I find I must learn to cling to when mishaps happen, when anger creeps in to steal my joy:

Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.1 Pet. 5:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Phil. 3:6-7

When will I learn that my “Father knows what I need...” Matt. 6:8 I must purposely live today how I want to be remembered tomorrow. When I pass from this world to the next I hope others can look back on my life here and say:

That girl loved Jesus with everything in her. Her passion was to live each moment reflecting of the Savior who died for her and although she failed many times, she always looked to the Lord for correcting, for help and by His Spirit within her she begin to succeed, bringing glory to God.

Now may I purposely try to live like it…again.

Waiting and wondering when my next test will be and maybe then I can report that I have matured spiritually.

Confessions of a Green Bean Thief

All of our children have been interested in Darryl and my childhood. What we had, what we did, what we ate, etc…Jayden primarily is the one now with all the questions. He could hardly contain himself when he heard we had only 7 TV channels to choose from. Then he wanted to know if we had Disney Channel. Nope. Nickelodeon? Nope. It was quite shocking to him that cartoons came only on Saturday mornings.

After answering all his questions about my childhood he appeared grateful and bounced off to choose from the 200+ channels on TV. I was left reminiscing about my childhood. I grew up an urban Indian that is not on a reservation. In fact, the only dirt my feet touched was the school playgrounds and softball fields. I grew up in a two parent home with a big sister and brother. Yes, I am the baby! You know it has it perks.

The New Birth Order Book has a whole chapter on the baby of the family – Chapter 9. It begins, “First of all, I want all you babies of the family to know that I’m on to you. I know you have just skipped the first eight chapters and started right here.” Okay, I am believer because as the baby of the family that is just what I did.

It goes on to say, “Youngest children in the family are typically the outgoing charmers, the personable manipulators. They are also affectionate, uncomplicated, and sometimes a little absent minded.” Aren’t you glad you know me a little better? This is the one that cracked me up, “Last borns are the most likely to show up at the elementary school concert or the Sunday school picture (or in my case at Six Flags) unzipped or unbuttoned in some delicately obvious area. It stands to reason, then, that the family clown or entertainer is likely to be the last born.”




Unzipped in an obviously delicate area screams baby!

 

My family can testify to this truth, “The last born gets the family together for the big Thanksgiving or Christmas photo, working tenaciously to maneuver everyone into place and to snap the shutter.” It goes on to say, “Only a last born baby of the family is likely to grow up, get a degree, become a therapist, and still keep a handle that sounds like a nickname or pet label of some kind.” Yes, I know I didn’t come out a therapist, but a Public Health Officer, whose goal is “protecting, promoting, and advancing the health and safety of the Nation”. Instead of one degree, I have two and I enjoy my chosen profession and get deep satisfaction from helping others, but my cherished avocation is living in the realm of creation. I love writing, photography, scrapbooking, sewing, decorating, just about anything that has to do with creating, and I do it whenever and wherever I can. The last positive trait of a last born is being “tenacious, persistent, driven, determined” they seldom take no for an answer until it is quite obvious to everyone around them that there is no changing their mind, they will just wait and let them see on their own misdirection. Unfortunately, I have far too many of these stories of tenacious determination; but the most recent is that I was determined I would be back at work two weeks after my knee replacement. Several people told me, even doctors, that is not likely possible; but I was determined, optimistic and WRONG!



Not only do I ensure group photos on Thanksgiving & Christmas, but any time there is a group event.
A self timer on a camera and tripod are the last born's favorite inventions!



Certainly those are all positive traits of being a last born, but we do have a dark side too. Some of the weaknesses noted are: “manipulative, even a little flaky, seeming to be too slick and a bit unbelievable, may come across as undisciplined, prone to talk too much and too long, may push too hard because they see things only their way, can be gullible, easily taken advantage of; make decisions too much on feeling and not enough on thought, may appear to be absent-minded, a little out of focus – like an airhead; may appear having a big ego, temperamental, spoiled or impatient.” Excuse me? Airhead? Gullible? Okay, but Airhead? Puh-lease!

As I continued to think on my childhood several things stuck out in my mind. I remember being so excited when I finally discovered that the buildings downtown actually had bottoms! I remember being terrified that there was a monkey hanging from the shower curtain rod in the bathroom only to discover it was a black bra hanging to dry. See, gullible!

I remember taking my dad’s boots off when he came home from work. This was one of the highlights of my day! I know gross, smelly all day work feet, but to me, my dad’s feet didn’t smell stinky. To me, it was fun. I would straddle his leg, grab hold of the bottom of the boot and move forward and occasionally he would put his other foot on my backside and give me a push and I would go flying. I know that sounds crazy, but it was a lot of fun and a highlight of my day. Not sure why Gaye and Levi didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t care that was my job. It was like I was his own personal welcoming party, ready to give him a warm friendly welcome home from a hard days work and it meant time to relax! This would fit in the category of the last born of being affectionate and engaging, caring, lovable and wanting to help.

I remember the super first born, great housekeeper Gaye drawing an imaginary line down the middle of our lime green room and distinguishing her side from mine. I always wondered what made her tick. I was the first born’s worst nightmare. I loved a messy room growing up, it fed my creativity, now I can’t stand a messy room.




Oh how I wished a had a picture of our lime green room to share with you.

 

I remember lots of gymnastic and softball practices, meets and games. Bar-B-Q-cups were my most favorite meal outside of a Big Mac at McDonalds, but we didn’t get to go out to eat often and I had to hit a homerun to earn one. Athletic bribery at it’s finest. It worked though and people thought I had a big ego when I actually just had a big appetite for a Big Mac.



I played softball from T-ball through College, here is just one of the co-ed teams I played on for fun.



Finally, I remember hiding vegetables under the table in the corner crevices once everyone had left the dinner table because I didn’t want to eat them. See, manipulative. However, that didn’t last long because when mom moved the table to sweep, out rolled shriveled up green beans.

Hopefully as I have matured I have taken on more positive characteristics of Christ and not the last born’s strengths or weaknesses. I can either be preoccupied with my weaknesses or concentrate on my strengths, either way it is pride and sin. Yes, there are truths about myself that are worth affirming, but it is nothing of me, but all from God, such as:

I am loved with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

I am chosen and redeemed. (Galatians 3:14)

I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)

I am a partaker of His divine nature. (2 Peter 1:4) I am casting down vain imaginations and bringing every thought into captivity (2 Corinthians 10:4,5) because I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:1,2).

The truth is I don’t have what it takes. It is not “All About Me” as many of the t-shirts say it is. It is not I’m awesome. I’m cool. Look at me, but rather look to Him, Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). It is Him who I choose to fix my eyes upon, His endurance of the cross for my shame.

Psalm 139 describe the wisdom, the foreknowledge God has our very being and each of our days. No where can we go or flee from His presence, He is acquainted with all of our ways. He knows our sitting down and rising up. He knows those green beans that I attempted to hide from my parents, yet He loves me. His thoughts toward me are precious and they outnumber the grains of sand.

What childhood memories do you have to share? Did you hide green beans because you didn’t want to eat them? Or were you a first, middle or only child? Which ever one thing is certain, we are each fearfully and wonderfully made.

Simply stated, "Because she is my friend."

Darya came home last week and announced to Darryl and I that she wanted us to adopt a girl at school. After Darryl and I picked up our jaws, I asked who and why. She informed us that her name was Jennifer and that she was a foster child and that many of the kids at school were mean to her and she felt bad for her. She told me once one girl was making fun of Jennifer and Darya stepped in to protect her and pull her away from that taunting girl.

On occasion we get to eat lunch with Darya at school. She is allowed to invite one friend up on stage to eat with us (school policy). This week we took pizza to school for lunch, partly because I was so wearied of her insistence of coming. I managed the three steps onto the stage without falling and giving the entire school a show. Hannah, her BFF, usually eats with us, but this day Darya invited Jennifer to eat with us she wanted us to meet her.

Jennifer was very shy and quiet at first not wanting to make eye contact, but we were able to put her at ease pretty quick. She told us that she was placed in foster care at age 2, her parents’ rights were abolished at age 4 and she has been in 19 different foster care homes. She shared that she had a little brother and just recently they had been split up in to different homes. She went on to explain that her current foster parents were very mean to her. She said they yelled a lot. I guess the shocker was that she said they went to church. The whole thing saddened us very much. I think we both just wanted to rescue her and could see why Darya was concerned for her. But we both knew becoming foster parents or adoption isn’t a fast and easy process, not to mention we hadn’t even prayed about it!

That day Darya came home and said that one of the kids asked her why she invited “her (Jennifer)” to eat lunch with her. Darya told her, “because she is my friend”. I was so proud of Darya and how she reached out to Jennifer, how she stood up for her and how she responded positively to the inquiries of including someone that “in their eyes” didn’t seem worthy. She truly exhibited the meaning of her name through her actions and she displayed the character of Christ. Darya’s name is of Hebrew origin and means compassionate. Over the short 12 years that God has allowed us to be her parents, we have seen her fulfill her name, mostly to the little furry creatures, but this time to another human being.

Then on Thursday Darya came home said that, her foster parent came and checked her out of school about 1:30 p.m. and told her she was being send to another foster home. Right in the middle of the school day, imagine her shock and probably embarrassment. Darya said that some of the classmates hugged her and a few cried that she was leaving. I’m sure that made Jennifer feel good, at least to know that some of them did care.

Darryl looked on our state Adoption and Foster Care webpage and discovered what it takes to become foster parents or to adopt. No we aren’t doing it (yet), not sure if we will, but it sure opened our eyes. I think about the movies I have seen where foster children dream of being apart of family, but are often disappointed as they spend year after year in foster care wishing and hoping to be selected, only to be pushed out to the cruel world at age 18. I can only imagine the pain, the doubts, the fears and feelings that these children must experience when the two people in your world who are supposed to care and love for you are not there. I understand being a foster parent or adopting is not easy. I understand it is a call from God. I also understand God’s Word says in James 1:27 that “Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress." Because this is what God has done for me. In that while I was still a sinner, an enemy, living in rebellion Christ died for me. (Romans 5:6)

While we ate lunch with Jennifer, I shared with her that I was adopted. Her eyes light up and she asked, “Really?” I told her indeed I had been adopted into the Family of God.

I have been adopted not because of anything I have done, or who I am, not for any reason except God’s grace, mercy and love. In Ephesians 1:5-6 “In love He predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of His glorious grace.” First adoption is “from Him”—from God. And if we ask when this predestination happened, we can back up one verse to 4 and the when is made plain: “He chose us in Him [Christ] before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him.” I am so thankfully that adoption was part of a God’s plan from the very beginning and that He chose me and that I am secure. My adoption is not based on my worth, my distinctiveness; rather it is rooted in God’s eternal plan, by His love.

Since tomorrow, Saturday, November 20, 2010 is National Adoption Day I ask you to join us in prayer for Jennifer and her little brother Richard, and the other approximately 4,628 children in Oklahoma who are awaiting adoption. We all know the statistics that the older the child becomes, the less likelihood that an adoption will occur. I leave you with what a beautiful statement that I found on one of the internet adoption sites I visited. Sorry it didn't have a name to attribute it to.

Our aim is not to take a child’s low views of self and replace them with high views of self. Rather our aim is to take a child’s low views of God and replace them with high views of God. Our aim is not take a child with little sense of worth and fill him with a great sense of worth. Rather our aim is to take a child who by nature makes himself the center of the universe and show him that he was made to put God at the center of the universe and get joy not from seeing his own tiny worth, but from knowing Christ who is of infinite worth. We adopt to lead a child to the everlasting joy of making much of the glory of the grace of God.

Boy Blog Makes His Debut

Jayden wanted to have his own blog like me. I said, “Why don’t you write it and I will just post it on mine?” So brace yourself for a boy blog, the following is what he wrote today after he finished his school work - unaltered, straight from his mouth, with the exception of the omission of the “uh-uh and say”.

Jayden's First Live Event

One of the Superstars, Rey Mysterio, who is a good guy spotted Jayden in the crowd
and showed him some personal attention.

I want to be a WWE Superstar. WWE is a company of wrestling stars. WWE stands for World Wrestling Entertainment. Mostly I want to be a real famous superstar on WWE. My name will be Thunder like the basketball team. It would be cool if my second match would be a WWE title match. A title match is when a regular wrestler and championship wrestler wrestle with a title on the line.

My cousin R.J. told me about WWE and he showed me how to get on WWE on YouTube. The first match we saw on YouTube was Big Show vs. Triple H, a lumberjack match. A lumberjack match is 14 wrestlers around the ring and when a wrestler gets thrown out of the ring they get beat up by the lumberjacks (wrestlers) and then thrown back into the ring. It was pretty cool then my cousin R.J. told me what channel and time WWE comes on. WWE comes on Monday, Thursday and Friday.

Awh! The good ole days when Jayden and his cousin RJ were only
concerned about slamming down some milk!

I read a book about Shawn Michaels and how he was little and got in the business when he was out of college. The person who ran the whole WWE business was called Vince McMahon and he was mean. My favorite part in the book was when Shawn super kicked Triple H. My mom thinks wrestling is stupid and idiotic, but I think it is pretty cool. She says it is violent, but I say there is no bad language in it. My mom says it is fake and I say it is real. She says fake. I say real. She says fake. I say real. She says fake. I say real. I did a trick on her and I said it is fake and she said real! Ha! Ha!

Now I am going to tell you about my childhood, even though I am still a child. I watch Monday Night Raw and Friday Night Smackdown every time it comes on or I record it. I play WWE with my friends on the trampoline.

Finally, Big Show said he is paid to have fun. Big Show is fat, funny and climbs over the top rope to get in the ring. LOL! I wonder if I will get paid to have fun on the WWE Monday Night Raw? Bye.

Oh my, where have I gone wrong? I think it is funny that Jayden still says it is real, even after reading Shawn Michael’s biography because in the book, Shawn repeatedly describes how they had meetings to plan the next match, who would do what and what would get the most cheers. Shawn tells that it is staged, it is entertainment.

Yesterday Jayden informed Darryl and I that he wanted to look like Dolpf Ziggler, he was going to grow out his hair and get a nose job. A nose job! Can you believe it?? Jayden then played Dolpf Ziggler’s theme song and demonstrated what Dolpf does, which is throwing up his hands, running his hands over his hair and throwing up his hands in victory. I asked him is that his signature move, thinking I was using the correct terminology, which I wasn’t – so Jayden corrected me and informed me, “no, that is his showboating”. Oh boy, and then he said Dolpf is all about being pretty. I asked him is that why you want to be like him? He replied, “Yeah, I want to be pretty.” LOL! I told him, you don’t need to be pretty, you are handsome. Then to top it off Dolpf’s theme song is “Perfection”! The one good thing about WWE is that it has given us opportunities to talk about pride and humility.

Can we go back to the trains, dinosaurs and Lincoln Log days? Our oldest, Brandon went through this wrestling stage too, with the all the figurines, the ring and attempting to wrestle his dad any time he walked by and it passed, so shall this.

Brandon and his wrestling ring, he was about the same age Jayden is now.

So what’s the answer? First of all, I think it helps knowing that the draw of muscles, strength, and power is normal. It is how God created boys. Secondly, I look back on what I wanted to be when I grew up and it was a Cashier at the T G & Y!

The Dragon is Singing Tonight

Last evening during our family worship time my husband reinstated a time of singing for our family. If you know me at all, you know I can’t sing well. Which is actually an understatement, it is very possibly my singing could be used in a torture chamber to push the enemy into submission. It’s not that I have a fear of singing, it’s just that I don’t sing well…at all.

You may think I am over reacting on this singing thing, but trust me I am not. If you ever need to be brought out of a great depression by a roaring good laugh just ask me to sing. Don’t get me wrong, I love music, songs and I even LOVE to sing, but the only places I can sing without worry of someone near me falling out is at very loud concerts and in my vehicle, but in only those two places. At church I sing as soft as possible, some may even thing I am lip syncing. I have always teasingly said that I am not sure what I am going to do in heaven since I can’t sing. I am so glad carrying a tune on perfect pitch is not a requirement to enter heaven.

If you saw the recent animated movie Alpha and Omega, Garth the Wolf can’t howl and is often called “Barf”, I could so relate to Barf Garth in many ways. When he attempted to howl it was such a horrific noise that birds dropped dead out of the sky. I have a similar effect when I attempt to sing, people fall out. If they sit in front of me once, they don’t ever do it again.

It would be nice if there were some treatment option I could sign up for or just take a pill to fix my voice, but there is a way out and my dear husband continues to point me in that way.

The other morning he told me we were going to start singing during our family worship time again. I pouted like a little kid, because I don’t like to sing, because I can’t. He said my bad attitude about singing was wearing off on the kids and that is why they don’t like to go to choir or sing. That singing to God isn’t about singing on perfect pitch and in tune but that the worship comes from our heart. UGH! Excuse me? I’m to blame? I have corrupted my children? Ashamedly, I knew it was true, my bad attitude was corrupting my children’s view of singing praises to the Lord. So I said those three little words that are so hard to say to a spouse…”you are right”. Like my grandpa says Darryl just “sat there like a lump on a log”. So I said it again to make sure he heard me, “you are right…you are right, how many times do I have to say it?” He was soaking in those words like a tea bag soaking in water.

Later that day, the time to for worship came. Guess what my wise husband gave devotion on? Yes you got it! Singing. The Bible says a lot about singing especially in the Psalms like:

Oh come, let us sing to the Lord;

Let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! (95:1)

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth;

Break forth into joyous song and sing praises! (98:4)

Praise the Lord!

Sing to the Lord a new song, His praise in the assembly of the godly! (149:1)

Well the Lord had it right on with me when he said noise, I just don’t know if it is so joyful, but I am sure it would qualify as a new song…one so off pitch and out of tune that not even the music minister would know what song I was singing.

Well it took us probably 15 minutes to decide on a song to sing! 15 minutes! During the time we were trying to agree on a song we all knew, Jayden was performing “Hero” by Skillet for us, which I actually preferred. Can we just count that as our time of singing? We finally decided on “Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Savior, I know for sure all of my days are held in your hand, crafted into your perfect plan.” I don’t even know the name of the song but that is how it goes. As soon as we tried to make a joyful noise, Jayden’s giggle box got turned over. This made the rest of us start laughing especially when we were howling out the words, I laughed so hard I almost cried. Finally after we laughed for another 15 minutes, we finally got the song out. It’s okay because laughter is good medicine (Proverbs 17:22) and a joyful heart makes a cheerful face (15:13). I then read on the web that:

Laughter lowers the levels of cortisol in the body. Cortisol suppresses the immune system. Lowering these levels enhances the work of the immune system and may prevent disease. <since cold and flu season is here, this could be a good thing>

You can stimulate your heart and lungs, elevate your blood pressure and improve breathing capacity by laughing. <which could help with singing>

In terms of exercise, you can get the same benefits from laughing 100 times a day, as you can from 10 minutes of rowing. <this I love>

15 minutes of laughter equals the benefit of 2 hours sleep. <wow, I really need to laugh more>

One good belly laugh burns off 3 1/2 calories. <are you sure you don’t want me to sing for you?>

Laughing for 15 seconds adds 2 days to your life span. <I figured I added 30 days to my lifespan last night>

Yet there is hope! Barf Garth eventually learns to sing because he sings from his heart. I sing from my heart too but I still sound like a dragon, but I have the hope one day when I reach my eternal home that my voice will be healed, I will sing perfectly in pitch and tone, until then I will continue to make a joyful NOISE. I look forward to when my voice will not be "defective". When I can be confident and at ease singing and praising my Lord unhindered. When my voice matches what is in my heart. That will be the day!

Until then I will praise His name deep within my heart. I will quit crying around that I can’t sing and I will do my best to look forward to singing at night during our devotions. He is not only able to change our minds, but He is able to change our desires. As I spend time with Him in His Word and as I seek a fresh and new perspective on singing a new song, as He changes the way I think through His Truths, I am finding He is already changing my “wanter”.

I pray:

That my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever. (Psalm 30:11-12)

P.S. - If you hear something at night wailing, don't fear it is not the tornado sirens, it is me making a joyful noise unto the Lord!

In the beginning God..Need we need more?

What have I been doing lately? Not blogging that’s for sure. My days pretty much consist of physical therapy right now, broken up in two pieces – AM PT and PM PT. I have been working on getting more strength and increasing my flexibility. I have been attempting to sleep in this machine called a CPM that keeps my leg moving all night long. I have been walking down memory lane by going through the millions of pictures I have stuffed in photo boxes, wondering when they will ever make their way on a scrapbook page. I have been turning my daughter down for lunch at school every day because (with a knee replacement) going up there for lunch just isn’t that easy;…however, she still thinks I am Wonder Woman. I’ve probably been packing on more pounds due to the yummy foods and desserts my church family have brought over and my lack of activity. However, I am glad to report the caffeine habit has been conquered! It no longer has mastery over me. Thank you Lord! I have been snuggling with my son in the mornings talking about the things of God, which I love! Finally, I have been camping in the Word.

The other morning as Jayden and I lay snuggling in bed talking he announced, “In the beginning God created…a machine that moves legs”. Which was followed by our laughter and a profound question, which I’m sure many of us have pondered? “Mom, how did God make something…out of nothing?” That’s a question that many of us have asked, the Bible says God simply spoke it into existence. “Then God SAID, ‘Let there be light’; and there was light.” (Gen 1:3) “Then God SAID, ‘Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters.” (Gen 1:6) “Then God SAID, ‘Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together in one place, and let the dry land appear’; and it was so.” (Gen 1:9) Then God SAID. Then God SAID. On and On. And it was so.

Jayden then said, “My mind can’t comprehend that.” Jayden is made so much like me. We question everything, we want to know how and why and where from. That is why we are often mislabeled as “Chatterboxes” because we have a need to know, we ask a lot of questions and if you don’t know the answer then you get our chatter! Maybe I should have titled this blog The ChatterBlog. Jayden can talk for hours. If you ever have a long road trip and need to stay awake he is your passenger! I recall one time he inquired about the electricity lines, he wanted to know how they got there, how the electricity got into the lines, where did it come from, where does it go, on and on. Then you have my preteen Darya who cares only if she can plug in her iTouch and if it is charging. Seriously, some days I want to hide and cry and wonder why Lord, why? Then when I go to my loving parents and inquire for help, they just smile and tell me Jayden is just like you Dione. You talked our ears off. Which is weird to say and I don’t believe because they still have ears!

Then came the bigger question, “So who made God?” I tried to explain to Jayden, God is not a created being. He is Spirit. He is eternal. He always has been. The Bible says, “In the beginning God” (Gen 1:1) He was already there. The writer of Ecclesiastes says of God. “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.” (Eccles 3:11) “The secret things belong to the Lord our God.” (Deut 29:29) God can not be proven, because to prove something in this world you have to use scientific methods. You must be able to repeat it with the same outcome over and over. There is no cause and effect to consider with God, He is an uncaused cause, He is God and He always has been since the beginning. I know it is hard to comprehend, even for us adults, but God by His grace and mercy put with in each of us a measure of faith to believe (Rom 12:3). I choose to believe by faith, “In the beginning God.” When I see a building, I know there was a builder. When I see a piece of art, I know there was an artist. When I see individual unique people, I know there is a Creator. When I see the Grand Canyon, I know there is a Creator. When I see the morning frost or dew, I know there is a Creator.

The Apostle Paul puts it this way, “God has made it plain…For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – His eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” (Rom 1:19-20).

Without excuse. His creations and powers are so obvious. It is not Mother Nature, Father Moon or Cousin Sky. It is God Almighty. In the beginning God. That truth is sufficient for me.

Take a look out your back window

What an exciting day it was! One morning last week Jayden was screaming for me to run to the back door to see what was outside! He was filled with excitement and joy, he could hardly wait for me to arrive at the window as if “what was there” was going to be gone soon. I thought what is it? A deer? Hello Dione! We live in a city with a big picket fence. Was it a rabbit? That is likely. Off I went to investigate what had my 8 year old son jumping for joy. I arrived at the back window and looked out but I didn’t see anything different. I inquired again as to what was I looking at, when he replied, “Look Mom, there is frost on the grass!” I ashamedly thought, “Is that all?”.

Sure enough there was a layer of dew/frost gently covering the blades of grass, waiting to be burned away by the day. That is when the Holy Spirit hit me with how many times do I overlook the blessings of God, how often do I overlook His creation, His miracles and dismiss them as normal or expectant? I hated to confess that it was often. Daily. Hourly. That I look at and experience the goodness of God that surrounds me day in and day out and expect it to always be the same way. This was a new revelation to me, it surprised me, I always thought I was much appreciative of God’s handiwork, His creation, until I was “frost-bitten” by my casual attitude to my son’s excitement over frost on the ground.

<reality check>

Consider what Abraham Lincoln said:

“I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how he could look up into the heavens and say there is no God.”

Why is it when we look around the universe and see the things made by man we exclaim, “Wow! Isn’t that remarkable? Wonderful!”, but when we are shown this incredible universe and the different people, how each snowflake is unique, each person having three billion unique pieces of DNA, and how the sky can leave frost in the morning we say, “Is that all?” How could I say “Is that all?” when God’s creation both simple and complex are more complex than any thing we know, more than any thing that man can create?

I believe we get caught up in the ordinary routine of life and expect certain things and we often go without pausing to thank the Giver. We expect to breathe. We expect our hearts to beat. We expect to see. We expect to hear. We expect to smell. I expect to see dew on the ground on cold mornings.

Yet this expectation can confirm the truth, that I am nothing apart from Christ. It keeps me depended on His sufficiency and His grace.

But his favor is like dew on the grass. Proverbs 19:12

Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew? Job 38:28

Look around with fresh new eyes and see the favor of Lord’s dew in your life. You shouldn’t have to look too far. I didn’t, just need to look out my back window.

Exhausted...but still in pursuit!

The battle has been looming for four years: live with the pain or get a total knee replacement? The surgery had been set for final, this time. Decision made and a week and a half to prepare my mind for the rehabilitation battle ahead. The new knee replacements are possible for up to 30 years now, I am told. Although my doctor said mine was 15 to 20 and the nurse said it was actually 25 to 30, so I am hoping for a least 20 if not more, what would be better? The Lord’s return!

My parents and Jayden with me before surgery.

Upon arrival at the hospital, we were met by Michael, Jordan and Lily Lewis (our youth pastor and his sweet family). It was so nice for them to come up, show support and pray with me before going into surgery. They also left me some gospel tracts to pass out to the people I encountered. Little did I know that I wasn’t going to feel like passing anything out until practically the last day! But the last day it was!

The battle has been looming for four years: live with the pain or get a total knee replacement? The surgery had been set for final, this time. Decision made and a week and a half to prepare my mind for the rehabilitation battle ahead. The new knee replacements are possible for up to 30 years now, I am told. Although my doctor said mine was 15 to 20 and the nurse said it was actually 25 to 30, so I am hoping for a least 20 if not more, what would be better? The Lord’s return!

Upon arrival at the hospital, we were met by Michael, Jordan and Lily Lewis (our youth pastor and his sweet family). It was so nice for them to come up, show support and pray with me before going into surgery. They also left me some gospel tracts to pass out to the people I encountered. Little did I know that I wasn’t going to feel like passing anything out until practically the last day! But the last day it was!

Some of my AWANA Girls sending me some Cyber Love!

This surgery has been the toughest one yet. Nausea and severe headache on top of the pain, whew….that was fun! So let me sing you a little song. I can do that since this a “blog song”, those are the best kind, so that you aren’t suffering. In honor of one of my favorite times of the year, you should sing it to the tune of the First Day of Christmas in exchange with my first few hours at the hospital.

In the first hour of Obama Care, my government gave to me, one lost iPhone.

Yes, it is true. I lost my iPhone because I was updating my (oh so very important) Facebook status and the Anesthesiologist came in with a shiny little bottle that she put in my IV and the next thing I knew I was feeling quite funny and being wheeled away. Little did anyone know that I was still holding my phone in my hand that ended up next to my leg...which laid on the bed…then rolled up in the linen and off my iPhone went to the cleaners….I lost it.

In the second hour of Obama Care, my government gave to me, two blown veins and one lost iPhone.

Ouch! Yes, blown veins are not fun. I don’t recommend them that is if you have the option. Not sure how this happened because I have always been told I have great veins and I have given over 8 gallons of blood to our local blood bank over the past 25 years. I suffered and endured.

In the third hour of Obama Care, my government gave to me, three robes with holes, two blown veins and one lost iPhone.

Seriously, could we have a robe that closes completely? All the available robes had gaping holes the size of the Grand Canyon in the back side that is supposed to be held together by two strings. Let’s say it didn’t work well, but I wore it.

In the fourth hour of Obama Care, my government gave to me, four overworked nurses, three robes with holes, two blown veins and one lost iPhone.

Is there a nurse working here? Please answer my call button please, I need to go peeeeee! Typically I don’t need help but after a total knee replacement you kind of need a little help getting up and back down. Not sure but I think they are understaffed and overworked. One of the evening shift nurse’s didn’t know how to do the CPM machine and asked me because she was on loan from another department. So what is an educator to do? I educated her.

In the fifth hour of Obama Care, my government gave to me, five messed up meals, four overworked nurses, three robes with holes, two blown veins and one lost iPhone.

The only meal I received as ordered was breakfast, the rest were all missing items and/or cold. I guess that is why it was called “Gourmet Café” but I ate it.

In the sixth hour of Obama Care, my government gave to me, six paper towels, five messed up meals, four overworked nurses, three robes with holes, two blown veins and one lost iPhone.

One hospital alone can save tons of money by giving each patient room only six paper towels. On the last day we received more, I guess they were preparing for the next patient. Actually, the machine which was one year old had been fried, eaten up by battery corrosion. So it was out of service. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la…tis the season to be thankful for six paper towels. So I was.

Did I mention I was in a serious anesthesia fog? I was and the lights were ohhhhh, so bright! I thought I might have been going into heaven it was so bright! Which makes me wonder how much brighter the glorious light of God is? Unimaginable I am certain because it was almost impossible to open my eyes. Thus the “sexy BCG” government issued sun glasses issued at Tinker! If case you don’t know “sexy BCGs” are birth control glasses – they are so ugly it guarantees the guys will stay away. Ugly, but they worked marvelously for me after surgery because I couldn’t see a thing. I only could hear roaring laughter and from all people…my loving, sister Gaye and daughter Darya!

I was doing my best to have the correct response and not loose control with Darya and Gaye’s joyous response to my suffering, because what I really wanted to do was slap them silly into next week. Gee, I felt the empathy and sympathy! I wanted to yell, “Leave me alone! That’s just the way I am, the way God made me…to respond under anesthesia!”

<deep breath>

<reality check>

Okay. Maybe they were laughing WITH me, because they took this picture of me and let’s say when I saw it I roared with laughter too! I am just glad they didn’t video tape me!

It was so bright I thought I was in the presence of the Lord!

Each day got better and I even had the opportunity of finishing off the Shawn Michaels biography with Jayden and Darryl and yes, Shawn was lost, but now he is found. He became a believer in Jesus Christ. I even received a beautiful boutique from my BFF Pamela and her family, plus Darya won me a cute bumble bee and I got to attend a puppet show.

The Shawn Michaels Story is now complete, the book is back at the library in case your interested. ;O)

A little bit of happiness delivered to my room from my BFF Pamela and loving daughter Darya.

Jayden giving me a puppet show.

I made it home safely with all my drugs, CPM, walker and only one pair of TED stockings, I am a woman I need more than one pair and in colors would be nice. Gee, I feel old. I also have to give myself a blood thinning shot every morning in the stomach. Giving me shots is new so we shall see how it goes. At least I have extra cushion there.

Let the side show begin and tickets aren’t cheap. Once I was home and settled in Jayden had to bring one of his friends to parade by my bed side either to witness the CPM in motion or put to rest the truth that I have a bionic leg. Cody was the first, I am sure there will be many more over the next 21 days who will travel by to see the “side show”. As I watched Cody pacing back and forth in front of me I am pretty sure he was thinking how he could make that CPM into a ramp for a remote controlled vehicle. Then he had to belt out, “My grandma has one of those walkers, except she has tennis balls on hers.”

Overall while I didn’t enjoy the reason for being in the hospital, I am thankful for the procedure to take away the pain, even though in the beginning it sure doesn’t seem that way. I am thankful for the prayers of my family and friends. I am thankful for a job that allows me time off to do so. I am thankful for a loving <cough, cough> family that will take pictures of you in vulnerable moments. I am thankful for raised toilet seats, that is important you know. I am thankful (in no certain order, here) for Jesus who is seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession for me (Rom 8:34). Why? Because He loves me so! I know so, the Bible tells me in many, many places.

I am not sure why I have bad knees. Why other people can do all the things I have done and still have strong knees. We think that God’s way means the easy way, but it is not always the easy way but when we cling to our faith we begin to understand the plan. God is the giver of life, not the destroyer. I believe many of us often ask the “Why me?” question, but we should say why not me? After all no where in the Bible does it say we are promised protection against the storms of life. Instead Jesus told us in this world we will have trouble but to take heart (John 16:33). I Peter tells me not to be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening, but rejoice that I may be able to participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that I may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed (4:12-13).

Saying yes to rejoicing requires faith, a steadfast and strong faith that what He has promised He is also able to perform (Rom 4:21). Rejoicing is not rejoicing only when things go our way, I am told to rejoice always (1 Thess. 5:16) and to do all things without complaining (Phil 2:14). Rejoicing by definition is a verb. It is active. Doing everything readily and cheerfully is hard. Requires pushing through those times I don’t feel like rejoicing. But there are times when following Jesus, my Savior, is hard. Plain and simple. But I desire to be a breath of fresh air in this polluted society and provide those around me with a glimpse of my living God. When it is tough to rejoice I think of the promise that hangs on my wall in my living room of Isaiah 40:31,

“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, and they will walk and not be faint.”

I am reminded that my strength, endurance, and life comes from the Lord.

My little physical therapy package that I use twice a day at home.

So I am pushing through this time and doing as my devotion told me the day of surgery and that is "Jesus said...Get up!" (John 5:8) and though I become exhausted I am still in pursuit waiting for His soon return.

P.S. - they did find my iPhone!